5 Steps After ADHD Behavioural Incidents: A Guide for Parents and Caregivers

Behavioural incidents can be challenging, especially for parents and caregivers of children with ADHD. Knowing how to respond effectively can make a significant difference in managing these situations. Here is a deeper dive of the five steps to follow after a behavioural incident, as outlined in the below infographic:

Step 1: Identify the Cause for Behaviour

The first step is to understand why the behaviour occurred. Identifying the trigger can help address the root cause rather than just the symptoms. Was your child tired, hungry, overwhelmed, or frustrated by something? Recognizing these triggers is crucial for preventing similar incidents in the future. If we only ever focused on the reaction, we would never solve the trigger and therefore never prevent incidents from occurring in the first place.

Step 2: If Unsure, Ask and Help with Expressing Themselves

If the cause isn't immediately apparent, ask your child about what happened. Encourage them to express their feelings and thoughts. Sometimes, children may struggle to articulate their emotions, so it's essential to be patient and provide support in helping them find the right words.

Step 3: Discuss Ways the Trigger Can Be Avoided for Future

Once you've identified the cause, discuss strategies to avoid similar triggers in the future. This could involve adjusting routines, creating a more supportive environment by having them tell you when they have had enough, or maybe only playing a triggering video game in the living room when someone is there to deescalate them if they are getting frustrated. Involving your child in this conversation empowers them and makes them feel heard and understood.

Step 4: If Punishment Is Needed, Discuss Appropriate Punishment with Their Input

If punishment is necessary, ensure it is fair and related to the behaviour, not an ADHD symptom. For example, don’t punish a child for being impulsive or emotionally dysregulated. Instead, focus on behaviours that are within their control. Also remember that natural consequences may be all that is needed.

If the child smashes their phone, Nintendo Switch or game controller. The natural consequence is that they now, no longer have a working device because of their actions.

But such actions that were, premediated, vindictive, or actions where someone else has been physically harmed. These are actions arguable to be beyond that of ADHD symptoms.

(Keeping in understanding that impulsive actions and hitting someone may overlap.) Discuss the consequences with your child and get their input to ensure they understand and agree with the punishment.

Step 5: Move On and Don’t Dwell

After addressing the incident, it’s important to move on and not dwell on it. Holding onto past mistakes can create a negative atmosphere and discourage your child. Instead, focus on positive reinforcement and celebrate their successes and improvements.

How do I Stop my Child Lying: Reasons Children Lie

Lying is a common behaviour among children, and as parents or caregivers, it’s important to understand the reasons behind it. Here are three key reasons children lie.

To Avoid Disappointing You

As simple as that. Children often have a strong desire to please their parents. When they feel they might disappoint you, lying can seem like an easier option to keep your approval. This is especially common in situations where they fear they haven’t met your expectations. You call out, "Did you take the bins out?" And without hesitation they yell back, "yes." Whether they didn't put much thought to what they said, replied on automatic instinct because that's the answer you want to hear. Or whether they are saying it because if by the chance they get away with it, they may avoid punishment. Which leads us to the next reason.

To Avoid Perceived Punishment

Fear of punishment is another significant reason children lie. If they believe they’ll get in trouble for their actions, they might choose to lie to avoid the consequences. This is often a sign that they need reassurance that honesty will be met with understanding and support, not just punishment. Think about it. You're given two choices. Telling the truth means you'll be punished, but being caught lying comes with a slight chance they avoid the punishment. The odds are in their favour for choosing to lie.

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Here is a rule I follow And that is, if you know the truth of a situation.

Don't provide them the chance to lie, don't start a conversation with the intention to catch them out in a lie by trapping them.

If you want them to be open, you yourself need to start with being open.

Not hiding the intent in lines of questioning.

Hiding intent in your inquisitions can only foster distrust in what your motives may be when being communicating.

If you don't believe me, think of someone you've known that always looked for ammo to use against you, or something to use on you to lie about, or simply to start problems.

We've all known someone like that.

You learned to be quite reserved of that individual.

You as a parent, don't want to be that individual for your child.

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And Lastly, To Avoid Embarrassment

Kids might fabricate stories to cover up something they feel ashamed or insecure about. This could be anything from a bad grade to a mistake they made. The lie serves as a shield against the uncomfortable feelings of embarrassment. Something they've forgotten to do. The reason they lost at a game or sport. The reason they 'did or didn't do,' a particular thing.

By fostering a supportive environment, we can help children feel safe to be honest and learn from their mistakes. After all, lying is often a sign that they need our guidance and understanding more than ever.

Parenthood with ADHD: Finding the Perfect Solution in Imperfection

Parenting is like being on a rollercoaster that never stops, especially when you've got kids with ADHD. I'm here to share a bit of my life that sounds simple but is anything but: getting my kids to brush their teeth before bed.

Imagine me, totally wiped out, camping out in the bathroom because, well, I have to. I've got two boys with ADHD. If left to manage brushing their teeth on their own. One of them will wander off with a toothbrush hanging out of his mouth, dripping toothpaste everywhere, probably stopping to watch TV or cuddle the cats. The other? He'll forget what he's doing mid-brush, leave the water running, and get super interested in reading what's in the toothpaste instead of actually using it.

And if I have them both do their teeth at the same time? They turn the bathroom into a WWE ring, complete with tag team matches and water fights.

So, what's the least stressful option? Park myself in there with them. It saves on clean-up, cuts down the drama, and honestly, at the end of the day when I'm beat and just want a moment of peace, it's the easiest thing to do. Sure, I might have to play referee and remind them that the shower glass isn't a WWE prop, but it's worth it.

I get asked a lot about how to make ADHD kids more independent, especially with simple stuff like brushing teeth so we can, you know, actually do other things. The hard truth? Sometimes, they're just not there yet. It could be their age, how wiped they are from the day, or just the way things are at the moment. And that's totally okay.

It's exhausting, yeah. You might feel like everyone's judging you for not having kids who haven't reached these milestones yet. It can even feel like you're babying them too much, or that you are failing them. Which, you aren't.

Because the flip side? Trying to force independence before they're ready just leads to frustration all around, more messes, and honestly, no time saved. There are days when you'll see a glimmer of hope, like they're getting the hang of it. But today might not be that day.

I just wanted to say this out loud because you're not alone, and you're doing an amazing job. The fact that you are here reading this already speaks volumes about your dedication to your child(ren). It's tough, and when it comes down to it, being there for them, is what makes a difference. Here's to all of us getting through another day of parenting with our sanity (mostly) intact. You've got this!